Disdain – as I find myself refuting to change
Yet I lament & mourn on why it is so
Caught between my inner struggle of living in routine
And inspiring to be more than what is seen on paper
Laughing at knowing the not knowing of all the how to(s) in life
Am I wayward if I obliterate all feeling of knowing?
Knowing and not doing anything – a fool I am
Why? What has elapsed in me that I cannot overcome?
Squirming to be free, I am left stranded with no inner peace
Challenge me! Challenge me to transform.
Let me amend the gaps in my life
Let me no longer question what I know
Let me be the 14 year old girl who once knew of just one thing
That to know about what you do not know – is what drives one to evolve
Yet here I am pinned down with my mumbling thoughts
With my chaos
With my distress
With my shame
I strive forward with my prayers of confiding in the bigger picture
Of achieving what that 14 years old once aspired for
I stumble incessantly with each blow to my person – body, soul & mind
Will I reach there? Will I free myself of knowing of the not knowing?
Will my inner struggle defy me and rise up to defeat me?
All I know is that these questions question my not knowing….
All I know is that I yearn to believe what I looked away from knowing……