As we grow – We Mask!!

This week I have had to do the hardest thing in my life ever. I was dreading it for weeks and when the day finally arrived, I felt numb. I guess I could call myself ambitious and more over I love to compete with myself. I have accepted challenges with open arms (other than maybe working out) and to push my boundaries of comfort and intellect. But I think I did not quite prepare myself to feel how I felt after the event. I had all reason to do what I had to do and I had support from all sides and a decision had been made. Even while executing it, I knew that what I was doing then and there made total sense and it was for the benefit of all. But yet I felt small and hurt. To have the power to decide another person’s fate is not at all amusing. It does not make you feel better than the rest. It is disarming and uncomfortable. It will test your skill at masking your emotions and keeping calm, confident and composed. All hell could be breaking loose, people’s lives might be shattering – but there you are in the middle of it all keeping it all together. I should win an oscar for my performance. Truth be told, I just had not prepared myself for the after shock. I had prepped my mind for the actual moment, but I underestimated how I would feel after and how I was squirming from within. I believe I have done the right thing and I have no regrets, yet I cannot help feel a bit lost. Crazy how hard it is to grow up and experience new things. Moments like these define who you can depend on to find you and bring you back from being and feeling lost. I am grateful I have them near and dear to me. Strength from your parents, support from your siblings, wise words from your far away friend and love & kindness from your spouse is what made me process the day and realize that there will be more difficult days or occasions to come, where I will be tested to mask my emotions and show strength. Hard as it will be, I rest tonight knowing that I have reliable people around me to help me grow!

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