Part 2 – Sang Out Loud

She sang out loud in a room painted with grimy frowns.
To what she thought would be a way out to reach her destined shroud.
In an attempt to suffocate her mind she sings out loud as she slips away into the darkened crowd.
Why do I rhyme my thoughts she said aloud.
Why does it matter only to have some coherent sound?
A tragic reminder that in the end the creativity of the soul is just this measly bound.

Was she the one then that sang out loud or myself that I painfully mauled?
Jump into the waterfall, with an imaginary parachute that could possible break the fall.
Are you running away from what you believed was your chosen part?
But why is it so, when you never were meant to keep it real from this dreadful start.

Naïve as I am, she is who I refuse to change.
To be content within is yet another battle that leaves me estranged.
Take it please, go make up your mind.
To where and how is just another testament to this pitiful kind.

I sit and watch with tears in her eyes as she struggles in her solitude.
So I will sit there alone with her and sing out loud to what she once was.
To what she once was and still could have been, but just to sing is so longing.

This was the song that let herself go.
Like a raging animal lost in the midst of their own basic instincts.
Can she sing out loud again in another tune.
To awaken who she once was from the deep slumber the boulder put her in.
I plead to her for I am trapped.

Sing out loud one more time with a haunting drag.
May peace be upon her, do get out of them tired rags.
For it is only I who needs this song to sing out loud to a child once left behind….

Never stop to think you know what you want, because when you have it, it could be the very thing that torments your inner child in its purest form.

Daily Prompt: Express Yourself

My Fiancé thinks I am a Junkie!

Yep that is right, my to be husband believes that I am a person who is on the pursuit of being on a perpetual high. Not drugs or any narcotic substances! If that were to be the case then this anecdote would be heading in a completely different direction or not or maybe I would just start talking gibberish.

To him, I am every bit unpredictable as a Junkie. Boiling it down, my fiancé thinks I am an emotional Junkie, who wants to score the Happiness pill and when I do not then all hell breaks loose. To him I can go through numerous emotions – Highs & lows over the course of a day.

And here I was, thinking I was an emotionally stable & mature sweetheart.

My fiancé is by far the most rational person I have ever met. Whose rationality sometimes (okay mostly) edges towards pure irritation (especially when I know I have lost an argument). I myself like to believe that I am equally rational & realistic about what is happening around me. But, here is where I get the reality check from my fiancé (let’s call him Señor Rational).

Here below are some situations and the reactions of us both as seen from his eyes:

Emotional Junkie

These are just some normal events that occur in our lives and how we both go about it – in the eyes of Señor Rational. He is always calm & collected and I on the other hand am suffering from symptoms of a crazed Junkie.  So as you can see he clearly is to win the accolade for Most Rational Man of the year (ummm ya right..more like Mr. Exaggerator of the year).

I wonder if this is a man vs. woman belief or the fact that we are from two different cultures. Maybe age, self-awareness or ego. Who knows – all I can say is that if anyone were to ask us separately about the same situations as above we would probably both describe each other as the emotional junkie.

Truth be told, I have exaggerated a bit. And only because it is fun to make light of who we are and not to be taken seriously at all times. We are different and yet the same.

My fiancé may see me as a junkie riding on an emotional roller-coaster; but then again I do also see him as a “tyrant” who is hell bent on being rational and right. And that is what makes us perfect because we are not two peas in a pod! We are never on the same level of sanity, which makes everything we do a bit chaotic. One thing I guess we both are working on is the patience to tolerate each other. Okay just joking, we are not at that point just yet. Or at least I hope not, especially since in a couple of month we will be getting married.  Otherwise that would be an inspiring start to holy matrimony!

So coming from the emotional junkie – People be ALIVE!!

Who cares if you are seen as an emotional pendulum swaying from hot to cold?

Be passionate! About everything you do.

Be angry! Show them that you are to be feared when you disagree.

Be ecstatic! Love & Smile –happiness only makes you live longer.

Be sad! It will make you cherish what you have lost.

Be in denial or even lie! Not always of course, but it will help you learn more about who you are.

Be a drama queen! Well, what to say other than it is just damn fun!!

BUT just remember to coat it with your own form of Señor Rational – be it your friends, family, pets or even your own alter ego.

P.S. If you all do not hear from me in the coming days then you will know that I am being punished by my Señor Rational for labeling him as a tyrant. Help!!

Daily Prompt: Sad but True – I had written this piece over the weekend as my fiancé was complaining to me about being so volatile. At first, I was quite upset – criticism is always harsh. But then after reflecting on it I thought it is true as we all have flaws. So I thought I would flip it around and have a laugh instead! Nobody is perfect right?

From Every Mother – Hush

My mother is millions of miles away from me, but whenever I need her she is there for me, be it a Skype call or in spirit. Since I was very young I was in a boarding school and then I went abroad for my further education. Now working in Switzerland, while she is back home in Nepal, there is not a day that I do not miss and need her. In times of facing my biggest fears, difficult situations or scariest dreams, she has always been able to console & soothe me.

Although now already an adult in my mother’s eye I will always be childlike and she will always be there to put that smile back on my face or hush me to sleep.

Sleep

Child, lay still,
for you shall awaken your Fears.
Child, do not shed anymore tears,
for you shall wash away your Smile.
Child, do not hurt,
for you shall bury away your Happiness.

Child, the moon shall shine for you,
for you have asked for a brighter night.
Child, the rain shall fall tonight,
for you have prayed for a clean start.

Child, she shall look down on you,
for you need to know she is still here with us.
Child, I shall cradle you to sleep,
for you have longed for a good night’s rest.
Child, close your eyes now,
for you have the chance to live your dreams.

Child, hush now, for you have had a long day.

Hush my child, hush.

Mother

Daily Promt: Childlike

Part 1 – Knowing of Not Knowing

Knowing of Not KnowingAre we trapped in our knowing of not knowing?
Not knowing whether we choose to look away
Knowing that if we looked we would find disdain

Disdain – as I find myself refuting to change
Yet I lament & mourn on why it is so

Caught between my inner struggle of living in routine
And inspiring to be more than what is seen on paper
Laughing at knowing the not knowing of all the how to(s) in life

Am I wayward if I obliterate all feeling of knowing?
Knowing and not doing anything – a fool I am
Why? What has elapsed in me that I cannot overcome?
Squirming to be free, I am left stranded with no inner peace

Challenge me! Challenge me to transform.
Let me amend the gaps in my life
Let me no longer question what I know
Let me be the 14 year old girl who once knew of just one thing
That to know about what you do not know – is what drives one to evolve

Yet here I am pinned down with my mumbling thoughts
With my chaos
With my distress
With my shame

I strive forward with my prayers of confiding in the bigger picture
Of achieving what that 14 years old once aspired for
I stumble incessantly with each blow to my person – body, soul & mind
Will I reach there? Will I free myself of knowing of the not knowing?
Will my inner struggle defy me and rise up to defeat me?
All I know is that these questions question my not knowing….
All I know is that I yearn to believe what I looked away from knowing……

Daily Prompt: Land of Confusion

Out of the cave into my bizzare Bazzaar

Nepali Bazaar

Going to the Bazaar or market in Nepal is a refreshing experience. Since I was young my mamma would always take me with her on these shopping trips to buy everything and anything under the sun. As a child, your curiosity is awakened as you step into this realm of fusion of bright colours & titillating aromas. Your braveness is challenged as you step into the chaos of cars, motorbikes, humans, dog, cows & garbage – all coming together side by side in the narrow streets. You have to build a knack of making your way through the crowd, to bargain swiftly, to conclude your purchase and move on. And there I was – a mere child -tested by my mother, a true Nepali, to not be overcome by the pandemonium. Be brave and hold on is what my mother would say as she took my hand into hers.

Now, no longer a child by age – I try once again to step out and to let the colours, aromas of my inner thoughts fill myself to feel free. I start this blog so that I can have my own Bazaar of thoughts, opinions, feelings, stories & of course the randomness that we all have from time to time. I am not a practiced writer, my penmanship does not dictate who I am as I writer. What I write is just a vent for me to let loose of the feelings I have bottled inside of me. Feelings that I can share with you, knowing that there are always a few out there feeling the same.

The bazaars in Nepal brought it all together – the good & the bad. Making it into a divine beauty and yet a commonplace for us all to feel the vigour.

(the picture is credited to google search – so its not mine)